Thursday, February 26, 2009

i love champagne!

it's true, i love champagne! i just realized i'm so over beer, it's all about the champers. at my uncle's house over christmas we'd down entire magnums before lunch, it was the best. champagne is going to be the new beer, i'm getting special plastic flutes to bring to softball games.

so, best places to get champagne:

1. Urbana happy hour. every day of the friggin' week! $5 champers. and if you happen to stay past the 7pm, after you munched down some $8 pizzas and broke a few glasses get a bottle of Albrecht for like, less than 40 bucks. you get 5 glasses. do the math. rosé is in, people, and was long before J-lo got that huge pink diamond.

2. Asylum mimosas come in pint glasses, no ice (um, unlike some people). nobody said they're good, it's just value.

3. Trader Joe's. they have $6.99 prosecco from like, Missouri or something. shit is tight. you don't even need to mix it with OJ, just drink straight from the bottle. they also have these adorable mini-bottles of real good stuff for $10, you can take 'em, anywhere, like...the movies!

4. the movies! mini bottle fits in the purse, bring some paper cups your non-smartfood cheddar cheese popcorn (only $1.99) and you're golden. what's that pop sound you just heard old lady? i don't know, look the other way and mind your own business. i'm toasting to slumdog. and cheers to you too, dreadlock guy who also snuck in to the see "the reader" after slumdog ended. you should have followed us to see Milf, i mean, milk. whatever. i wish i had thought of bringing some more champers.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

what don't i like?

i have a friend who doesn't eat seafood, doesn't like tomatoes, goat cheese, anything with peppers or sesame seeds...the list goes on and on. and then she asked me "what don't you like?" and you know, i had to think about it for a pretty long time.

and all i could come up with was...i don't like bleu cheese. i really, don't like it. not the real thing, no roquefort, and no salad dressing. but what else? ummmmmmm. honestly, i think beyond the obivous bugs and worms and caterpillars and such, i'll eat pretty much anything. i mean, i don't love eggplant with the skin but i'll eat it. i don't like spicy food...but other than that, i guess i'll eat anything. wow.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

DC jazz? duke ellington can't spin in his grave any faster

i was so embarassed for DC last saturday. seriously, ya really let me down.

so a friend was visiting, who happens to be a grammy winning musician from london and wanted to see some live music. friday night was a disappointment. ok, iritis kicked ass but those opening bands, ummm. needs a bit of work.
so it's saturday, let's go hear some jazz! i had a few places lined up and we were going to crawl them all to find the best.
we started at twins on U street, a solid choice, but on valentine's day it was a mess of couples with interlocking arms and smoochiness. and i don't mean to discriminate, but the musicians looked like they were from a high school in montgomery county. enough said.
so we scooted on over to bohemian caverns, a good backup. i walked up to the bouncer to ask who was playing and was interrupted with a grumbly "60 bucks."
can we go in and just listen for a -
"60 bucks"
what if we don't like the music, can we-
"60 bucks"
what if i leave this guy as collateral can i go in and -
"60 bucks."
that seemed like a bit of a gamble for a "60 bucks" band that plays nothing but "60 bucks" for "60 bucks"
soo...we stoped into Dukem to come up with a game plan. there at least, was some decent tunes. some guy playing a weird sideways guitar and some excellent singers. the martinis were served in plastic glasses but i wasn't about to complain.
and then, eureka, of course! H.R. 57 - it is in fact the center for the preservation of jazz.
so we go down and enter a packed house. this is great! let's have a seat. the band was in between sets but we smiled in anticipation.
then they came on - piano, guitar, drums, a 6 string violin - cool!
and then it started, what would be more than half an hour of what my friend would call "quite literally the worst music i've ever heard. ever. and i've been listening to music for over 40 years."
4 chords. 4 chords, which composed the latest coldplay hit, played over. and over. and over. and over again. i couldn't believe it. is this what passes for jazz these days? 4 chords. ok, that's not counting all the bad notes. 4 chords. it was a sort of grand finale, but it was never ending. 4 chords. the energy increased. 4 chords multiplied by 4 chords. i looked around the room, wondering if maybe my ears just weren't hearing the same thing as everyone else? 4 chords. people were dancing, waving their hands in the air. the song got louder, drum solo, piano solo, whining screaming violin with his 4 chords, is this for real? 35 minutes went by and we just couldn't take it anymore. it didn't stop for another 12. we retreated in horror to the middle part of the room which had these comfy leather couches. i put my head in my hands, this is humiliating.
we chatted, wondered what was becoming of jazz and the world. people started to trickle out, drunkenly swaggering, wasted. i noticed people pointing to a spot to our left, crinkling their noses and saying "looks like pizza." it was puke. PUKE. in a jazz club.

so this is the preservation of jazz, DC? are you fucking serious? i'm ashamed of you. it's going to take a lot to convince me to try that again. Duke Ellington is spinning in his grave at 6,000 rpms.

Friday, February 13, 2009

the wonderful adams morgan listserv: tacos and terrorists

i am a lucky member of the adams morgan community yahoo group, a string of emails i follow with joy and suspence. i get updates on whose liquor licenses are being revoked, complaints about drunk people crowding the streets on late saturday nights and the circumstances behind our all too frequent shootings and muggings. but nothing beats aggravating the crusty old prejudiced residents in my spare time!

it all started with a post this week by someone who, after much googling i found has a much better job than her spelling would call for:

"The precense of gang members living in Columbia Rd. and the number offake ID vendors had increased. Before grocery shopping I usually stopby for a bite to eat at this taco place, Pepitos Bakery across theSafeway. Maybe because it was nice day or what? but there was thisman in his late 20's to 30'sh. in the stablisment, dressed with ablack T-shirt, baggy pants and tatued arms, neck, hands and I alsonoticed a tatued letter on each finger,ah! he also carried a prettyintimidating body language. The Mailman came in and gave him a bulkof mail, I am assuming that the tatued man lives in a apartment abovePepitos Bakery.The fake ID vendors harrassing!!.Columbia Rd. never looked uglier to me. I wanted to take picturesbut got scared.I proceeded to Safeway and there was another man dressed just as Idescribed above. Are they immigrating from Va to DC? "

flawed on so many levels, there were several replies to this including a bunch that recognized that there's a tattoo parlor just above the taco joint, and that's likely the guy who was receiving the mail.

i added that anyone with tattoos who uses the postal service for their mailing needs is therefore in a gang, and added that i saw a gentleman with a neck tattoo purchasing a packet of forever stamps and therefore must be a terrorist. he didn;t buy the 42 cent ones, he is saving them for later...terrorist!

further replies tried to argue the prejudice by saying "how do you know tattoo'd guy isn't a scientist?" and that's when i was all, hold on here people, scientists have tattoos and they also don't. nice people have tattoos and some bad people don't. and tattoos have been around for tho0usands of years, and some of them are pretty nice ( and i just happen to be a scientist without a single tat, but that's only because i'm too scurred. and also, bad spelling is a trait of social deviants so let's just stop that nonsense.

i also tried to argue that most people who have fake IDs are either working their asses off at every restaurant in the city, or are otherwise underaged darling college girls who, i might add are often adorned with lower back tattoos, a.k.a. the tramp stamp. why do you think there is a line outside of Chloe night club every weekend?

and that's when this fantastic personal message from the owner of a pool hall up the street came in, making it al worthwhile, he called my taco joint a dump, i told him he should move to georgetown. i told him to be positive and embrace our culture, he replied with:

"you my dear neighbor are a douche bag - it is plain and simple. you missed the boat and the point. you have no idea what i eat, who i live with, who i love, what language i speak, who or what my lover is or whether i love tacos. you idiot this has nothing to do with discrimination against anyone or anything. you are narrow minded, accusatory and so stuck in your sense of self importance about your issues, that your ignorance blinds you. you idiot how in the fuck do you know how the tatooed guy looked at this girl? how do you know that? tatoos, tacos, terrorists. racist? there are a hell of a lot of scum bags who break the law and sell illegal ids everyday, all day up and down Columbia Road. then my dear nitwit - some of them do go to work - that's no big deal - but a great many of them don't. dishwashers, eating out? what the fuck are you talking about? second thought, never mind."

if i'm the one who's so narrow minded and self absorbed, why all the bad language? and what, you looking at someone when you have a tattoo is a crime now? can't we just all get along and love tacos?

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

i'm turning japanese!

walking home the other night i saw that the japanese travel agency at 17th and u is now a full-on japanese market. they have everything! frozen roasted eel, dumplings, miso soup, japanese gummies, newspapers, crazy japanese gum! it's heaven.
i used to have to trek to wheaton to get my nori and sushi rice - not that i don't love the entire aisle of soy sauce at han ah reum, but the owner guy here, i forget his name, he totally let me try out my japanese. and there was another guy and they both bowed when i left the store, it was fantastic. i've had udon noodles every day for lunch!

Friday, February 6, 2009

i don't know what you're talking about

you must have me confused with someone else. because i did not watch the first, pilot episode parts I and II of Beverly Hills: 90210 last night. where brandon has a mullet and brenda has a unibrow. that was not me. and i certainly did not buy advance tickets to see "he's just not that into you." that's just crazy.because if you see me tonight and ask me what i was up to i will say that i saw gran torino. the movie with clint eastwood where he hates chinese people. cuz it's the truth.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

wurkin' out! i love the Y!

i finally, finally FINALLY like going to the gym! i have hated it, dreaded, done nothing but come up with excuses not to do it, but since i joined the YMCA (and they started withdrawing moneys from my account) i sortof feel obligated to go....but i kinda like it! and one important thing, unlike most other gyms in the area...the guys at the Y are mostly straight! and for you guys: the chicks are totally hot!

having someone to go with makes a huge difference. and losing at racquetball, but giving them a perfectly circular bruisein retaliation is unbelievably rewarding. and the sauna! we're trying to see how many pounds we can shed just by sweating it out (the scale is conveniently right outside the sauna door). there's also the really inappropriate sauna talk that reminds us what the C in YMCA stands for...and while we were stretching the other night we heard sick music coming out of the spin room. there's a dude who teaches who's a world famous DJ or something. puts the chief ike's dance floor to shame!

we also like to wail on our butts, guts and guns. you should see me bench the bar! we're coming up with a workout plan. there's going to be the tuesday night buttblaster and aurelgrooves awesome abs by april. 4 As of asspounding that will make you so jealous! it's ON.

Monday, February 2, 2009

new heights gin joint!

maybe i shouldn't publicize because i kinda want to keep it a secret, but the new heights gin joint is MY new joint. all mine.

i went to the new heights gin joint last weekend for several reasons.
1, because a year ago when waiting for a table upstairs i had a most tasty gin and tonic i had never heard of and thought, well, i should definitely come back here.
2, since my pal Logan Cox started working the kitchen, but really, it's
3, i met a guy in a bar when i was really drunk and he asked me out for drinks and i needed a small place where i would be sure to recognize him among other patrons. oh, and it had to be quiet because for some reason i imagined that he might have a stutter or a lisp, and finally, why not impress someone with a tiny hidden spot in woodley park on a friday?

so, the gin joint.

he was already there when i arrived and thank goodness spotted me when i came in, otherwise, i would have likely sat two chairs down and ordered on my own. he had already gotten the jist of the menu and explained to someone who never even imagined there were more kinds of gin than the ones that come in the plastic bottle and bombay sapphire (which i only started drinking in college in honor of my indian friends). i was intrigued and eager to sample, almost overwhelmed, but they are sorted in a specific order on the menu so you can figure out what's going on (do they ever do that with wines? because i always just sort by price...second from the cheapest!). i started with a rather safe choice, right in the middle, a hendrick's that i knew was guaranteed tasty, but the next round (or two?) were complicated, delicate mixes of something truly unique in DC.

then came the food...the charcuterie plate had a bunch of items to offer...some chicken liver, which i just jumped on (sorry buddy, you wouldn't like it anyway), some real tasty jerky, but i really, i was all about the mackerel dish that followed. i would never order mackerel (it's always the last rubbery waxy piece of fish on the sushi combo platter) much less even order fish (my friend from NOAA would kill me...there are no more fish, people!!) however, as i know the list by heart... mackerel is totally in the green column! there was a crisp skin, a bright refreshing flavor, and the mustardy fingerling potatoes with capers. yum.

i just might have fallen in love with mackerel! my date, however is a whole different story. but, as they say, there are always more fish in the sea, and i will most definitely be bringing them into the new heights gin joint!