Wednesday, May 30, 2007

WMATA recycles newspaper? think again

i'm sure most DCers are like me, when they carry their paper off the metro they go through the trouble of stuffing it in the tiny slit of the "newspapers only" bin at the entrance of every station. sometimes, the things are full to the gills, but still, you stuff it in there, doing your bit for the planet. it's bad enough i'm the recycling police at my building, pulling glossy carboard apart from the rest, taking plastic lids off bottles, but WMATA, our fair city's metro? the symbol of efficient public transit and carbon emission reducing whathaveyou?

for the second time in a year, waiting around a metro station i saw the unthinkable. you see the first time, i thought it was an error, but the second time, well, i wish i had my camera. there went the garbage guy, doing his business and emptying the trash cans of their diverse refuse when he proceeded to the paper bins and threw them in the same bin on wheels. mixing the papers we painstakingly presumably recycle, in with the trash.

hmmmm. so why go through the trouble of having people stuff their news in there? i've had my watch caught on the thin opening, and have even lost a ring...and it all ends up in the regular trash?
well F U metro. if that's how you are, you want to lie to people, take us for a ride (metaphorically) well then maybe i'll just leave my newspaper on the seat, maybe i'll spread it on the floor - just to spite you. at least it will get read once, before you decide to put it where it belongs.

because i will no longer be a party to your evil un-earthly deeds!

and now, everyone knows your dirty little secret.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

stop killing tigers!

tigers are getting a bum deal in china...i don't advocate using anything's testicles for medicine or anything else.

submit your picture to the tiger mosaic, i did! good luck finding it....

Monday, May 21, 2007

safeway's non-express lanes...

so the brilliant minds behind the customer service desk at the adams morgan safeway, the same people who brought you the "let's not have more than one, maybe two cashiers on monday evenings" have unveiled another brilliant scheme for shoppers: the "every lane is an express lane."
now, it used to be that a few lanes near the doors were express (15 items or less) which is where most of us turn to with that one box of brown sugar, the late night ice cream craving or sunday morning's bloody mix. there's no room for a cart, you just drop your stuff on the rolling mat and you could hopefully be out in a few minutes. most times, you don't even scan your safeway club card, because you don't care, you just want to be out of this store already. well now, according to the new colorful signs dangling in the breeze, EVERY lane at the safeway is express.
yup, every. single. one of them.
and you don't need to be a rocket surgeon to figure out that it inherently makes evrey lane the UN-express lane because now, the guy who buys all the swanson's bratwursts when they're on sale (i've seen him. he ruined my sausage party) gets to hold up any lane he chooses. why safeway, why? do you think this will make everyone's life faster, smoother? it does not. and this is one of the few exceptions in life where segregration must be upheld (unisex bathrooms make me cringe). this is not some bohemian one world, one people philosophy or something, this needs to be stopped. as long as taco sauce remains in the international aisle, separate our aisles. because this all-embracing free for all does no one any service. even the aisle that on sunday morning read: "checks, cash, credit card ONLY"

Friday, May 11, 2007

free lawn!

i now have a lawn. i was walking home the other night and came across a pile of sod with a "FREE" sign on it. it weighed a ton but i brought home 4 square feet of perfectly green grass. i can now sit outside with my bare feet on lawn. my boyfriend waters it everyday, the indoor plants are jealous. my cat rolls around on it, and i might just set up a putting green for a bbq tonight. three cheers for instant lawn.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

a HA!

i got my blog back.

the package

on Monday I signed for a package that was delivered to my building. This large, heavy package sat in our foyer, nearly blocking the front door for days…I asked everyone else in my building, do they know who the package is for, are they expecting something? nope. So yesterday, I looked at it closer…a sticker says it contains ALCOHOL. So I opened it! 4 delectable bottles of wine from Orgeon. I downed them on my patio with my neighbors. This morning tho, there was a nasty note on the front door from someone a few houses down (the penthouse of a towering loft to be exact). They know we received their package. What do I do? Drop the empty bottles on their stoop? i say their gentrifying rich arses can buy some more...

Friday, May 4, 2007


you never buy a toothbrush until months after you actually need a new one. everytime you brush your teeth with that wilting plastic mess you think, “next time I’m at the store, i’ll get a new one.” of course, whenever you are actually at the store your thoughts are dominated by hot dog samples in the back, whether you still have garlic and if you want turkey or ham sandwiches this week, or if you have the strength to carry 11 lbs of kitty litter home.
so whenever the idea of a new toothbrush coincides with me actually in a store, this is a moment to pounce. and so there I was at the CVS last weekend, looking for Q-tips and amazed at the light bulb over my head that flashed “toothbrush!!” i jumped on this impulse buy one, and reached toward the collection of oral-b soft bristles in a dazzling array of rainbow colors. yet my hand is prevented from grabbing one. an invisible force field of sorts…wait, is this glass? let me move this glass – wah, this glass forms a glass case, which is locked. only one box of 4 toothbrushes for labeled at $1.99 are outside the case and they are of an unknown brand "COLGRATE."
i look around, like a squirrel who has heard a unlock this case i would need to go to the front counter, which now has two competing lines of about 8 very impatient people each, with two uncrafty mighty incompetent cashiers fumbling with the scanning devices. if i take a cashier away, i will likely be killed by this mob.
i go to the prescription counter where you have old ladies clamoring for insulin refills and a pharmacist who stares at you like an alien descended from space – like he always does when you say “i’m here to pick up a prescription” as he has just descended from his out of body experience to realize he’s a pharmacist at a CVS in adams morgan.
now, the blogosphere has reviewed a long list of stupid items that are locked to customers: like condoms which, in a city with spiraling HIV rates, should be simple, free of hassle for someone to buy. i understand that electric shavers and hair dryers are big ticket items that deserve to be in a case, as you don’t buy them everyday, you likely want to consult with someone and take your time, because it’s a big investment. but a toothbrush? Didn’t some kid die recently from poor health care? hmmmm.

so i went to safeway. and bought some more beer, US weekly, some yogurt, and like evey single friggin’ time, totally forgot to buy a friggin’ toothbrush.