Friday, January 30, 2009

tell the prez what you think

have you seen the kiosque thing in adams morgan? it was a festivus pole over the holidays where you could air your grievences. now, you get to tell the president what you think. i'm wondering though, does someone actually take the notes down and deliver them? because i was walking by the other day, while telling my mom how educated and political and all grown up everyone in dc is, and oh, look, here's the talk to obama pole and the first note i read said "i want to know how you're going to fix my pussy problem." and, well, yesterday it wasn't there so just wondering, did someone take it down to send it to the white house?

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

remember me?

if inauguration was anything, it was one long bender. and so, when i met a guy at 3 am sunday, or monday? let's just say i might not remember much of his physique. i remember someone pretty interesting, works for the president, tube...uhh. so imagine my surprise when my friends said they saw him on the street the next day.
"what does he look like?? is he totally tubular?"
yes, tubularity quotient high. aybe 95th percentile.
"is he cute?"
well..except for the arm growing out of his head
or the backwards knees.
there was a peg leg too
and he's really only 3 1/2 feet tall...but otherwise definitely handsome! you should totally go on a date with him.
"well...i don't want to discriminate...ok."

despite that mental image, i might just pick the smallest bar in DC and meet him there. just in case.

Monday, January 26, 2009

schlong salad: part TOO

so, despite, - no wait, actually, in spite of the phallic nature of my previous meal at vinoteca, i actually love the place. the wine is way cheaper than veritas, who just upped their bottles into the 'beyond my means, especially in this economy' range (which means if ever, i can only go on a monday). vinoteca also has nice menu that's more than cheese and meats (and those new crazy pricey but tasty chocolates). it also just happens that the citypaper is running a special (check this page for $50 gift certificates for only $25!) so, there's little reason NOT to go there..

i have already attempted several times to use my gift certificate, but even with my winey-ist of friends could never eat or drink enough to meet the $100 minimum for the coupon (the place is thrifty i tell you! especially during happy hour) so when it was my friend's birthday over inauguration weekend, we went back for a ladies dinner.

as giggles never managed to be subdued, i had to ask our waitress if the beet salad was for real. maybe one of the chefs was messing with me? (as we watched them stroll through the dining room, we all wished they were!) i showed her the picture and she turned, pardon the pun, beet red. a little while later, the general manager came by and said, "it's you? the blogger who wrote about us?" and it was my turn to be blushing. oh my, they read this garbage i write? yes, they get an email anytime anyone writes "vinoteca." "we have your write-up posted in the kitchen!"

so they offered me a complimentary salad. i said yes, but only if it's REALLY huge. i learned later that my dish went through several iterations as the first versions were deemed too risque even for me. so i ended up something just as tasty, and a little more abstract i guess.
i was too full for dessert, but i am curious to find out how many other vinoteca dishes are inspired by the cookie puss?
i'll have to go back and find out. in the meantime, vinoteca, vinoteca vinoteca!

Friday, January 23, 2009

test your DCelebrity knowledge

the dudes standing next to me during the freeze your ass off on the mall inauguration knew EVERYBODY whose face came across the jumbotron. on a first name basis too. they were all, damg, nancy! you lookin' goooood. you go Steny! bring on the love, diane! i guess i don't watch enough C-SPAN. tho i know a few of these peeps...

Thursday, January 22, 2009

you know you're in DC when...

so i show a guy at work the card of a guy i may or may not have made out with at a bar over the obamageddon weekend. um, can't tell you what he looks like...but i know where he works!
and so the guy says "you know aurelgrooves, you have sunken to an all new low"
i know right?! i'm way too old to be making out with guys on the dance floor!
"no dude, he works at OMB [office of management and budget]. those guys are literally the bottom feeders of the US government!"

Friday, January 16, 2009

oh the namibians

i wish the namibians were hanging around for inauguration weekend. thye are a ton of fun. and there's nothing like bringing guys with funny accents and sweater vests and safari wear to asylum, and then kicking their ass at pool. the best is getting to announce "it's the namibians!!" .
"the namibians! oh, my god, they found me, i don't know how, but they found me. run for it marty!!"

Thursday, January 15, 2009


i do NOT know what i'm going to do this weekend. i dunnodunnodunno! should i just hide? somanythings! somanythings! i'm going crazy over here. like a little chipmunk i want to see it all at the same time. my bike tires are pumped up, my chain lubed (teehee!), screws tightened, shoelaces tied, helmet on, i'm going to be zip-zipping around as fast as can be. take that, checkpoints!
ironically, my jaw problem has worsened (they say it's related to stress i was under in december...hmmm i wonder what could have caused that?) and i'm now barely able to open my mouth to talk. i can't eat anything but mush...but i can drink! i sure can! drink just about anything! through my teeth! so there.
and, i'm going to drink with the namibians tonight, including the guy in the sweater vest who horribly mutilates my name each time he says it. and he says it a, oh arelelly do you eat meat? really, ever had ostrich, ohlalula? and then i'll try and fit in the dentist (so that he can open my mouth....just enough so that i can at least i could eat one of these cherry tomatoes? that would be nice...) and then...back to vinoteca? for more beet salad cashing in my gift certificate? but then? meet up with the six fingered man whom i finally met (a whole other story) oh, the madness! beyonce! i can't take it! happy obama-ing!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

tell them large marge sent ya!

so, i'm sure you probably know already that i broke up with my boyfriend, i mean, everyone is in the loop. it's quite ok, it was a good thing, and i'm getting over the mess rather quickly, what with the new year being especially good and fun (raw eggs in a pinata = hilarious). so even though 2009 led off with the whole exchange of belongings, it was simply more hassle and annoying than regretful at all. and the entire affair ended with a fit of laughter, as i nearly peed my pants as when i went through the bag of stuff my ex dropped off.
let's see...empty bottles of hair products, tupperware, a lone sock the very bottom a pair of panties that totally aren't mine!!!
the intent may have been to be cruel, but even my brother, who was in the room had to wipe the tears from his eyes from the hilarity. yes, this is rainbow butt floss....size LARGE! um, i don't wear thongs and i'm definitely don't have that big a bottom. oh, should i be mad? hell no! what a zinger!

Sunday, January 11, 2009

schlong salad

it takes a lot for me to be offended. good thing too, i could have complained of this phallicular joke served to me at vinoteca the other night. may i add that the slang term for 'male genitalia' in french is 'bite' pronounced 'beet.' yes, it's just a homonym, not a chef trying to make me blush. i mean, i'm not crazy right? this totally looks like schlong?!