Thursday, April 10, 2008

your cat ran away, probably because you're annoying

my neighborhood has been plastered with lost cat posters. and not just any old posters, but professionally laminated posters that have little cut outs to take away the people's phone numbers, and are updated every week...first it was "lost cat," then "we miss you Lester [name changed to protect cat's identity]!" now it's "Lester is STILL missing!"
so i come home one night and what do you know, Lester is hanging out in my front yard. i say out loud, oh my, is that Lester? as i have his likeness and life story impounded into my brain everytime i leave my house. Lester, having recognized his name looks at me, and then runs away. i try to track him down in my backyard but he's gone. i lean my bike against the side door of my house and walk to the closest posted sign, which is about 3 feet from my front gate.
in the nano-second that i leave my bike unattended some dirty sketchy dude walks into my yard and is checking out my bike. now, i don't have my phone on me, so i'm a little nervous i can't call the copy, so i'm just standing there in my front yard entrance with my bike helmet, waiting, watching this guy. he slowly inspects the bike and finally decides to take it with him.
wtf do you think you're doing man?
he freaks out, drops the bike and is all, oh sorry mami, i was just looking for a place to pipi!
oh really? was my bike in your way?
i sortof shoo him away, wonder where on earth he came from and go inside to call Lester's owners.
there are two numbers on the little tab, and the first one is out of service...i leave a friendly, lengthy message on the second, like, don't lose hope! Lester is out there! he looks healthy! i call my friend who lives in Lester's building and is obviously constantly reminded of Lester's status. no way, you saw Lester? thank goodness, i'm sick of seeing 8 different pictures of him in the laundry room...
a few hours later, the guy calls me back. and he's super wishy washy, rather unemotional, like he was telemarketing and finally tells me that some lady who lives a few doors down from me has a whole bunch of cats, including one similar to Lester. so, would i mind calling her, asking her to send pictures of her cats, and then review them, and let Lester's people know if it was indeed Lester?
yeah, sure, i'll get right on it. because i have nothing better to do than hang out on the phone with crazy cat lady who i'm sure won't regale me with cat lady stories and your cat, well, i hate to say it, but if cats can sense anything, it's INDIFFERENCE, which i would say is precisely what Lester escaped from!

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