and you thought it wasn't possible

my mother-in-law called me last week and asked me to make a necklace to match her dress. the dress at it turns out has a square neckline. so she wanted a square necklace. a square necklace? you mean, a squarelace? yup. even the bead store guy thought it wouldn't work out, not with these heavy chunky lapis beads it won't. oh but it diiiiid.this, my friends is the jewelry innovation of the century. i have conquered the square neckline, which is coming back btw. so get yours now. just don't ask me to mail it express to france. because that's a whole other story...
i went to two post offices, because the one that comes up when you click "locate a post office" on the usps.com website at 2121 Ward Place, is not actually a post office, it's a garage full of postal vans and postal workers on their cigarette break and who are not to be bothered. and the clerk at the second, who took 15 minutes to find me a padded envelope:
"are you sure there are no envelopes there?"
there are no padded envelopes here
"even next to the bubble wrap?"
you're out of bubble wrap too
"that's impossible"
well, i'm not an idiot, i don't see bubble wrap or padded envelopes here
"am i going to have to come over there?"
see for yourself
daaaaamn! greg! what happened to all the bubble wrap and padded envelopes?
greg: dang, don't know.
in the time it took greg and tanya both to look in the back, i counted about 100 padded envelopes plus 13 packages of bubble wrap in the little postal store, that was for some reason at 10:45 am on a monday, closed, and therefore locked behind a gate.
once i got the envelope and declared i needed to have this in Paris by friday, many questions were asked including:
"is this a gift?"
yes
"you cannot send unsolicited gifts by international express"
it's not unsolicited
"you said it was a gift, can't send gifts"
ok, so i lied, it belongs to whom i'm sending it
"too late, you already said it was a gift."

i banged my head on the counter and sent it air mail. and when i got back to my office i realized i had the customs form in my hand. this necklace may never make it to anyone's neck. sigh.